> run away from your uncle, who sends you on an impossible quest so you'll be someone else's problem
> hop on the magic boat that athena built for you
> make an immediate stop for make-outs+ on the island of sexy widows
> months later, bid your girlfriend a tearful farewell and then immediately forget her
> only leave because heracles was getting annoyed with waiting around on the boat, and you are very afraid of him
> stop off at another place and hear about some weird people. go to see the weird people
> wander off into the mountains while the weird people go and attack your boat. thankfully heracles fights them all for you
> then, for the first time on your trip, do something for yourself
> that is, get scared at night and stab some guys who turn out to be the friends you met earlier. cry a bit
> find an old dude who's being harassed by harpies. heroically sit and watch while some of your dudes chase them away
> follow the old guy's instructions and send a poor bird to its probable death so you don't have to risk anything at the chompy rocks
> finally make it to where the foreign king is keeping the shiny sheepskin
> ask him for it, then run away when he gets mad and calls you a noob
> seduce a local magical girl to take care of this king (her dad)'s impossible task for you
> actually don't seduce her. get your mommy goddess hera to pull some strings and do it for you
> your new magical girl gf makes you an invincibility potion and shows you how to get all the enemies to fight each other so you can sit and watch again
> the next night she sneaks up to the dragon guarding the shiny sheepskin and puts it to sleep for you so you can grab your heroic prize
> don't let any of the guys touch it, because it's Yours
> "so this means we're going to get married now, right dear?" "yeh, i swear it, by zeus and hera and whatever"
> her dad the king gets angry, and you run away again. bring your gf
> when her dad won't leave you alone, distract him by kidnapping your girlfriend's little brother
> heroically stab him, chop off his hands and feet, and drink his blood
> your magical girlfriend cries a lot
> zeus curses you for being a sick ***, but your mommy goddess calls in more favours to keep you safe
> "he's just so handsome; i can't help myself"
> stop off at the island of odysseus' old magical girlfriend and whine at her until she deals with the curse for you
> kicks you out once she realises who you are
> while running away, get caught by the sirens' song until orpheus saves you
> hide with a friendly king, who says he'll protect you as long as marry your magical girlfriend
> get married
> sail for a long time to get home, doing more heroic things on the way, like passing out from heat stroke or getting your magical wife to save you from a giant robot man
> or crying a lot and asking a goddess to save you because you're scared of the dark
> finally make it back home
> magical wife gets rid of your uncle to keep you safe
> you're scared of her
> dump her and marry someone you don't feel threatened by
> magical ex-wife goes crazy. run away
> mommy goddess doesn't like you any more
> die alone