and that, even in his own writing, he admits to and gives a detailed account of this true-opposite point of convergence, and that it, in all likelihood, this was the real cause of his suicide, this debilitating hyper-awareness that could not be well turned off, a by-product of a principled retreat from the far terminus, at which end all his society was converging, while being powerless to turn and see where he himself was heading. of course aware of this ultimate destination, but lacking the subconscious instinctual reluctance