Conversation
Notices
-
announcing sexual preferences to the world is so weird, thoughlike partly because do people really need to know that about you?but also because it's complicated, like don't really get personally how anyone could make blanket statements about "i'm unattracted to any and all people of body type X" and never doubt thatand also that stuff changes with time and doesn't really reflect the past either. like if anyone cared enough to ask me now would say "i'm like my bf" and that's it, but doesn't convey having done things before with people who had most any sexual body layout a person can have. and if asked "did you enjoy those things at the time" about past events, would have to say like "idunno honestly. it's complicated and there were other circumstances, though some of them were very unpleasant, yes"like how do you put that into words? say something like "i'm not sure if i like girls or not, sex-wise, but had a very bad experience in the past with one, and that makes even friendship difficult for now let alone anything physical. and anyways i have a wonderful boyfriend and no desire to do things with anyone but him right now"people all have their own long and messy lives like this, so how is everyone's answer not just "it's complicated"
-
@Moon what does sexually attracted even mean?or men, for that matter XX
-
@shmibs I have found certain men beautiful but I have never been sexually attracted to one.
-
@shmibs blood go to pp
-
@Moon1e43c493015dd739.jpg
-
@rizzo that's not announcing, though, like someone explicitly asking in a relevant situationand doing sex together is usually less common than eating together also
-
@shmibs announcing sexual preference makes sense in the current era. Like imagine if someone asked you if you liked chicken or wanted a chicken dish but you were vegetarian. You could simply say no. Or you could tell them you're a vegetarian and therefore don't really eat chicken.
-
@rizzo yeh, that's someone explicitly asking, and can always say like "no, i don't"point was more people being certain about sexuality and making it a defining characteristic, though, like being vegetarian usually has a purpose behind it, "i can't stand the thought or sight of animals being hurt or killed" or "i'm on a diet" etc, while sex stuff, unless maybe you're motivated by religious something there's not really a reason to pick one or another, so it feels weird to get so specific about it
-
@shmibs what if they're asking you if you have a girlfriend and you're a gay man tho. Also people put vegetarian on their profile because why not
-
@shmibs @rizzo if you are on the fediverse and cissexual heterosexual you must communicate it to others using an elaborate system of colored handkerchiefs extending from the back pocket.
-
@rizzo saying you're allergic also serves a purpose there, avoiding dangerdunno, maybe i'm annoyed also, how the answer to "putting people in boxes that don't fit" always seems to be "draw more boxes!" when personal acquaintances can be interacted with on a case-by-case basis, like the boxes then only serve as a sorting mechanism for strangers to apply stereotypes
-
@shmibs what about allergies. What if someone asked you if you wanted chicken and you were allergic to it. You could say no. Or you could say you have an allergy and either answer would be acceptable and either answer would serve a purpose in the conversation. If you were to respond that you were gay it would serve a purpose in the conversation. Because then they can change the question to if whether you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I guess for some people having a allergy vs having a sexuality is a lot different. But some people definitely have a pretty concrete sexuality. As for being specific with it. It's just like any other reason for specifying things. And it's not like it's too terribly revolutionary to go without. Jojo siwa has a girlfriend but has refrained from labeling herself. Which is understandable.
-
@shmibs most of what you just wrote is one step away from "you're not really lesbian or gay, you just haven't found the right person!" or shoving gay people into the "they just need to work on their trauma"some people are homosexualwhether you agree with it morally or not, its how it is
-
@oxblood no, that's people applying their own boxes to others, doing the exact sort-and-stereotype thing
-
@shmibs Buddhists in mediaeval Japan complained to the shogun that he implemented a system that made the daimyo come to the capital each year. Why did they complain? Because they took all the cute boys! True story.png
-
@Moon @nik @cell @rizzo that's really interesting. what's the difference?
-
@nik @cell @rizzo @shmibs I have lots of female friends but very few that I developed romantic feelings for, in fact I can't think of any. I don't have any problem whatsoever being friends with women but romantic seems like a separate thing to me
-
@nik @cell @rizzo @shmibs I tried both ways but I realized for me certain things have to click first or it doesn't matter.
-
@Moon @cell @rizzo @shmibs just curious, what do you mean?
-
@Moon @cell @rizzo @shmibs ah, hmm, guess we fundamentally work differently in that respect then? my brain doesn't even consider someone a candidate for romantic attraction until I'm already somewhat friends with them.
-
@cell @Moon @rizzo @shmibs yea, but not because people intentionally used it as a dating app
-
@nik @cell @rizzo @shmibs I tend to approach someone right away if I'm romantically interested because I don't want to seem like I'm just being a friend to someone to work my way up to a romantic relationship
-
@nik @Moon @rizzo @shmibs haven't people met on fedi and gotten married?
-
@Moon @shmibs @rizzo fedi isn't a dating platform smh
-
@rizzo why is it better for clarification purposes? or what purpose does clarifying serve, rather
-
@shmibs exactly. Saying the allergy has a purpose. But if you were never going to see this person or meet them you could have always just said no for short and people with allergies also do this. Sometimes I find out people have allergies later than sooner. And telling someone they're gay has a purpose. You're informing them that you do not have a girlfriend/boyfriend because you're gay. Just like you'd inform someone you don't want chicken if you have an allergy. It's not dangerous to not tell someone you're gay and it's not like gay is a choice like vegetarianism but its better for clarification purposes down the line, therefore there's an incentive to state it.
-
@rizzo yeh, that sounds like strangers being nosy and tossing out boxes to them for easy stereotyping. like if people actually care then they don't need something easy-to-understand. and if they don't care then why have the conversation
-
@shmibs okay. lets say you are a gay man. And someone who you deal with like maybe a neighbor, a relative or a friend has conversations with you. And asks you if you have a girlfriend. You can simply say no. And if they want to keep the conversation going they might continue on with talking about this subject. They might give you advice on how to talk to girls or something else. Of course you can feign disinterest if you don't think your sexuality is any of there business. You can also go the route of saying you're not interested in dating at all. but if you're gay and you are interested in dating just not girls, it would be simpler to say "no I don't have a girlfriend I'm gay lol." and you wouldn't have to lie.A friend might approach the person you're talking and ask them if you have a girlfriend. They're could be tons of reasons why they want to know but in my experience people are nosy. If you've told the person, the person can easily respond with "no they're gay.". This is a pretty clear explanation that people can understand. If someone who was interested in you and found out that you explicitly don't swing that way they would probably loose feelings faster than if they heard you weren't interested in dating right now. They're other examples but Im sleepy. Point is my relatives ask my relationship status and it's not that unusual. The relatives whom I've explained my sexuality too I have a less awkward time dealing with.
バツ子（痛いの痛いの飛んでけ;;
Infected Moomin
Rizzo
nikki
cell
All senooken JP Social content and data are available under the 